Are you thinking about not being sexual with your partner? There are many reasons why someone might decide not to be sexual; you may be
- nervous,
- a little shy,
- thinking that this isn’t a good time, because you’ve been drinking or using drugs
- concerned about the possibility of pregnancy or STD’s
- you just do not want to be sexual right now.
It's okay. Everyone has the right to choose when to be sexual or not, and you can choose to postpone or abstain from sexual activity. If you don’t want to do it right now, or if she doesn’t want to do it right now, then don’t.
Abstinence means postponing sexual activity for a long time. Many people define abstinence as not having sexual intercourse or penetration with your partner. Others define it as not having any sexual contact at all. No matter what the definition, you can decide for yourself what you want to do and what you don't want to do.
Postponement means not being sexual with your partner right now. You may decide to postpone sexual activity because:
- you need time to develop trust and communication in the relationship.
- you need to wait to get your and your partner's STD test results back.
- you and your partner may want to wait until you get married.
- you may have religious or other reasons to wait.
The important thing to remember is that the decision is up to you and your partner. Postponement is a great way to slow sex down and figure out what you and your partner really want.
However, postponement can be difficult. There is a lot of pressure on guys to "perform" – to have lots of sex, including intercourse. Your friends or the media may say that guys need to be sexually active to be a "stud" or "player"; that they need to prove themselves in the sack. This pressure can put you and your partner in a difficult or uncomfortable situation. Remember, you are in control of your life and you can make healthy decisions for yourself. Sometimes the very people that put pressure on you to have sex aren't having sex themselves! If you decide to postpone sexual activity, feel proud of yourself for making the right decision for you and your partner. Having lots of sex doesn't make you a man. Standing up for yourself and your partner and choosing what you want to do does make you a man.
Even if you’ve decided not to have sex, you may want to have condoms available. That way, if you change your mind, you’ll be ready to protect yourself and your partner. See our Safer Sex page for more information.