Okay, so you're with your partner, and things are getting hot and she's ready to go, but, oh no, you can't get it up. Is it you? Is it her? Are you abnormal? Well, here's the deal. You're not abnormal; you're like millions of other guys that experience impotence (or penile erectile dysfunction) – some occasionally, some all the time.
Impotence, or erectile dysfunction, is the repeated inability to have or maintain an erection. There are a bunch of possible reasons it happens. Some are psychological, things like anxiety, stress or nervousness. Others are physical like poor circulation, injury or disease, and fatigue. Drugs, alcohol and smoking can cause erectile dysfunction. Diabetes, high cholesterol levels and medicines used to treat high blood pressure are also important risk factors. Depression can cause erectile dysfunction and medicine you take to treat depression can cause it, too.
If it's happening a lot, you should see your doctor.
Something even more common with guys is called "premature ejaculation.” It means that you're cumming too fast. Most of the time this happens when you are younger and have just started having sex. Many times it goes away with experience, even to the point where you can control when you cum. It can be frustrating to your partner, but you can work to improve it. Condoms help to reduce the feeling and most of the time, help with premature ejaculation. If you're real frustrated, talk to a doctor or health care provider about it. But remember, there are lots of other guys with the same problems so you are not alone. Hang in there.
There are other problems like "inhibited ejaculation” which is not being able to have an orgasm even though you can get it up. This might be caused by medicines like antidepressants, or it might be caused by psychological, hormonal, or neurological factors.
With any problem, it's important to talk to a professional about it – maybe a counselor or medical provider. You are definitely not alone. It's OK to ask for help if any of these problems aren't going away.